I'm Pregnant?
by Danger with Granger
Summary: The thing about being pregnant is that you either are or you aren't. And you have to be a girl. So how's Fred pregnant? And Ginny? And is Ron? And what about Hermione? And how can a slip of the lip cause chaos? Read to find out! Rated T for pregnancy.
1. The Dare

**We obviously don't own Harry Potter. Enjoy!**

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Fred, George, Harry and Ron sat in a circle in the living room of the burrow. Hermione was in her room studying which is why they managed to play uninterrupted.

"Fred, truth or dare?"

Fred tapped his chin in mock concentration. "Well I'm a Gryffindor so I obviously have to choose dare."

George grinned. "Even though last time you chose dare, you were forced to wear Ginny's dress while running through Hogwarts screaming: "I'M A PRETTY GORGEOUS PRINCESS!" with Ginny chasing after you, and Hermione ignoring everything as usual."

Harry rolled his eyes remembering that. "Anyways," he said. "I dare you to tell Mrs. Weasley that you got Hermione pregnant."

Ron, who was dozing off, immediately sat up, his eyes bulging out of his head, so very normal. "Did you say Hermione's pregnant? But in order to get pregnant you have to-"

George shoved a cookie in his mouth, causing the younger Weasley to choke. "Good Ron." He patted his head. He and Fred exchanged glances.

Fred looked worried for a second before he grinned. "Sure!" he said, his eyes lighting up. "But who's going to convince Hermione to play along?"

Ron jumped and George shoved another cookie in his mouth. "Sit down Ron. Bad Ron."

Harry frowned. "Isn't it bad dog?"

George shrugged, "Same thing."

Ron tried to look angry with 2 cookies stuffed in his mouth. Terrifying.

Harry turned to Fred. "Kitchen. 10 minutes."

Fred nodded. "But tell her we're just acting or I'm dead!"

10 minutes later, Fred and Hermione were heading toward the kitchen. Harry had managed to get her to agree. No one knew how, but he told them it had to do with a murder and books. Ron, George and Harry were upstairs, and were supposed to come down when Fred yelled, "Hermione's killing me!"

Fred wore an unusually serious expression, which looked weird. Hermione wore a small smirk on her face, but it disappeared at Fred's worried glance.

Fred took a deep breath. "Mom," he said seriously. Not even Sirius Black had sounded that serious.

Mrs. Weasley didn't even turn around. "Yes dear?"

"Mom, I'm pregnant."

"That's nice dear- WHAT?" She whipped around to see Fred's eyes widen, and Hermione's smirk growing bigger as she tried not to laugh.

Deciding to play along, Hermione grinned. "Yes Molly, we took the test 7 months ago! Your son's expecting! Surprise!"

Fred shook his head. "NO! I'M NOT PREGNANT!" he yelled.

George, Harry and Ron glanced toward the kitchen as they heard the shouting.

Ron frowned. "Wasn't Hermione supposed to be pregnant? Or is that the signal?"

No one answered.

Fred continued yelling. "SHE'S LYING! I GOT HER PREGNANT! I'M THE GUY! SHE'S THE GIRL! SHOCKING BUT IT'S TRUE! SHE'S PREGNANT! CAN'T YOU TELL?"

Hermione glared at him. "Are you calling me fat?" she demanded, pointing her wand at his throat.

Mrs. Weasley watched the pair in confusion.

Fear passed over Fred's face. "No, no of course not," he said weakly. "I'm pregnant, whatever you say Hermione."

George, Harry and Ron popped in at that minute as they heard Fred's announcement. "Hold on, you're pregnant?" George looked at Fred mildly surprised as if he was expecting this. His face lit up. "Finally! Let's go!"

With that, he apparated everyone except Molly to St. Mungo's. As they appeared, he grabbed Fred and yelled. "MY TWIN IS PREGNANT! WE NEED HELP! NOW!"

Everyone looked at them, before getting back to their work. 2 reluctant nurses yanked him into one of the rooms as he protested loudly.

Everyone just followed.

"I'm not pregnant! She's pregnant!" Fred pointed to Hermione who watched him, amused.

The nurse glanced at Hermione, then back to Fred before shoving the pills in his mouth. He immediately fainted. The nurses knew there was no way Hermione could be pregnant.

Ron sighed. "Finally," he muttered as Lavender burst through dramatically.

Harry glanced at her. "What are you doing here?"

Lavender gasped as she saw Fred. "Oh no! He died again! Twice in a year! The poor guy!"

Hermione sighed. "Unfortunately he didn't," she muttered.

"Why do the hot ones always die?" Lavender cried out, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Ron looked up. "I'm alive."

Lavender sighed. "Exactly Won-Won."

Ron's eyebrows furrowed in concentration for a minute. "Hey!" he cried out.

Lavender shrugged. "Sorry Won-Won," she said before turning to Harry. "Won-Won sent me an owl 15 minutes ago, saying someone would probably end up in the hospital again, because Hermione's was bored. So I came here as fast as I could."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "So not so fast."

Lavender gave him an _Are you stupid _look. "Well duh! I was seeing my Won-Won after 34 minutes! I had to do my nails, dye my hair, and try on 3 different skirts." She motioned toward her neon pink skirt, before plopping down in Won-Won's lap.

Ginny burst in, less dramatically then Lavender. "I heard my brother was pregnant," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

At that minute, Fred woke up and yelled, "I'm not pregnant!"

Ginny glanced at him. "Are you sure?"

Fred looked at his sister. "Of course! I'd know wouldn't I?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Is that rhetorical?"

Fred groaned. "Hermione's pregnant!"

Ron frowned. "But to get pregnant you have to- OW!" He rubbed his arm as Hermione smacked him.

Lavender grinned. "So am I pregnant? Or is Won-Won? And what do we have to do to get pregnant?"

No one wanted to answer.

The nurse sighed. "Doctor!" she barked.

Two doctors popped in as the nurses left.

Harry looked at them, cleaned his glasses, and looked again. No way. How did his dad and Sirius fit in those skirts? Actually he didn't want to know.

Hermione dropped her book as she stared at them in shock. "No…," she shook her head. "I hate Fred, he's a moron, but I don't hate him this much!"

Fred jumped up. "Did you hear that George? That's the nicest thing she's ever said to me! Remember that. Maybe getting her pregnant wasn't such a bad idea!"

Sirius frowned. "What's going on?"

James shrugged. "Who cares? Fred's pregnant, he needs surgery." With that, he pulled out a chain saw. From where? No one wants to know.

Fred practically squealed, as he was too manly to actually squeal, and George walked over. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course! Just chop up Fred, pull out the baby, and tape him back!"

James grinned. "We have two kinds! He held up a pink floral pattern, and a blue one with cats on it.

Fred actually considered. "The blue one's manlier."

Sirius pulled out a paper towel. "And in case there's blood."

Hermione sighed and stood up. She grabbed the two tapes from Sirius, glared at him, and threw them at Ron and Lavender who were eating each other's faces. "First of all, get a room," she snapped at them and everyone tensed, recognizing her tone. "And second of all NO!"

Lavender gasped. "Won-Won! She probably broke out of Azkaban! Protect me!"

Ron looked at her. "You were in Azkaban?" he asked dumbly, and George shoved a cookie in his mouth.

Hermione grabbed the chain saw and handed it to Ginny who took it to the front desk.

Fred shot her a grateful look. "Thanks Hermione, and I was trying to say, I am not pregnant!"

George opened his mouth, but Fred blurted out. "Ron is!"

James shrugged. "Why didn't you say so?" He and Sirius exchanged evil grins and walked over to Ron.

Ron shook his head. "I'm not," he squeaked, and Lavender hugged him.

"It's okay Won-Won," she chirped.

Ron shook his head. "Ginny is!"

Ginny gasped. "How'd you know?"

Ron grinned. "Exactly! Wait- WHAT?!"

Harry shrank under everyone's gaze.

No one said anything until Ron said, "But to get pregnant you have to-"

"Ron!" Ginny snapped. She grabbed Lavender's braid and shoved it in his mouth. "I was planning on telling you all, but someone had to get pregnant!" She glared at Fred. "Anyways, baby's due in 8 months, we just found out yesterday, and yes mom knows."

"Alright, congratulations to Ginny and Harry, and now we're ending off the game," said Hermione. "No one other than Ginny is pregnant."

Ginny looked confused. "But Fred just said you were. And weren't you in their room…about 7 months ago? I saw you."

Sirius gasped. "Hermione! I had no idea you were so like Lavender!"

Lavender shot him a flirty smile. "Thank you Ron's hot side kick's, hotter god father!"

While Sirius processed that, Ginny glared at Lavender. "That's my boyfriend you're talking about!"

Lavender looked puzzled. "You're dating Sirius?"

Harry ignored them and turned to Hermione. "You were in their room? Why?"

Ron nodded. "I saw you come out around midnight. We stayed up during winter holidays and then you 3 came down pretty late."

Hermione gave them all an exasperated look, while Fred and George exchanged grins. "I was yelling at them, and it took a while."

Harry frowned. "But I didn't hear you yelling, I heard weird sounds."

Lavender gasped, and fell off Ron. "Wait what does that mean?"

Ron grinned. "It means that to get pregnant you have to-"

This time it was Ginny who smacked him on the back of the head.

Sirius smirked. "Yeah Ron!"

Hermione glared at him. "And anyways," she continued. "Those weird sounds were these two whimpering. And probably me sighing and groaning loudly."

Ginny's eyes widened and Hermione groaned realizing how that sounded.

George nodded. "Yeah it was!" he said eagerly.

Fred frowned in confusion. "Of course we were whimpering! She's Hermione! And she was exasperated so she would sigh and groan."

Sirius and James smirked at Hermione, because for the first time, she looked worried.

George grinned. "Exactly! I mean come on, this is Hermione Granger! And you expect us to not whimper? And of course we didn't just whimper!"

Hermione walked up to him, and slapped him. "Don't even think about it!" she warned.

Sirius frowned. "So Hermione you are pregnant?"

"NO!" Hermione yelled. "I'M NOT PREGNANT! NOW LET'S GO!"

Ron frowned. "Exactly, she's not pregnant. To get pregnant you have to- OW HERMIONE!"

Lavender glanced at James in confusion. "What do you have to do to get pregnant?"

James backed up. "Uh girl, I have a wife and a son. Sirius, you tell her."

Sirius looked at Lavender, before they both ran off in terror.

Lavender shrugged. "Probably overwhelmed by my beauty."

Ginny turned to Harry. "Your godfather and dad are not performing my surgery," she warned.

Harry nodded. "Don't worry about it, we still have 8 months," he told her, before turning to Hermione. "Are you really not pregnant?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and shoved him back to Ginny. He looked suspicious before chattering away.

He completely missed the wicked smiles the twins exchanged and the quick wink Fred shot Hermione.

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**Alright! Please review and we'll post the second chapter soon. This will be a 2 shot.**


	2. The Truth

**Okay! And here's the second and final chapter!**

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Fred and George plopped down in the common room beside Harry and Ron, as they got back from detention. All of them were in a terrible mood.

At that minute, Hermione and Ginny burst through, and immediately head up the staircase to the girl's dormitories.

Fred glanced at them, a glint appearing in his eyes. "Let's listen to their girl talk. Maybe she is pregnant."

Ron frowned. "But to get pregnant you have to," he stopped, use to someone smacking him at this part. Everyone glanced at Harry who shrugged and threw a pillow.

George repeated a charm they had learned and the 4 of them headed up, pressing their ears against the door. The Extendable ears had been taken by Molly who refused to allow them in Hogwarts.

They could only make out bits and pieces, as Hermione had cast a charm to prevent them from hearing. Since Hermione and Ginny were so loud, they could make out a few things.

"So I took the test….."

"…really? It was positive?"

"…8 1/2 months ago…."

"…..no way! Really?..."

"…I know!...I'm so excited!..."

"When?...you're….expecting?..."

"Have you told…. surgery?..."

"Well…..soon….."

"Who…"

"dad…..…father….Fred"

"…..my brother?...how could you?..."

"Surprisingly…not that bad….enjoyable…"

"I'll stay overnight…..hospital…"

"….when?"

"…next week!"

The 4 people listening froze at the conversation, before Ron said. "But to get pregnant you have to-"

At that minute Hermione yanked open the door, smacking them all in the face. She frowned. "What do you guys want?" she snapped. Although it was the middle of the day, Hermione was still dressed in an oversize shirt, but wore jeans.

Harry glared at her. "You said you weren't pregnant! And what are you wearing? And Fred? Really? You couldn't have chosen anyone better? "

Fred looked offended, but turned to Hermione. "Not that I don't trust you darling, but when did this happen?"

Ginny came up behind Hermione and raised an eyebrow. "Darling?"

Hermione glanced at Harry. "I'm wearing this, because most of my other shirts were dirty. And what do you mean? I'm not pregnant."

Ron nodded. "Yeah! To get pregnant you have to-"

"SHUT UP RON!" Everyone yelled.

Hermione sighed. "Okay, is this another joke?"

George grinned. "Why wasn't I aware that you had some…enjoyable times with my brother?"

Hermione glared at him. "I'd rather die then have any enjoyable times with him."

Fred rolled is eyes. "Exactly George, she's not carrying Ron's baby, it's mine! Get your facts straight."

"I'm not carrying anyone's baby!" Hermione cried out and Ginny sighed.

"What did you hear?"

Ron tried to be smart. "Just enough," he said, his voice wavering when Hermione glared at him.

Fred shrugged. "The whole conversation."

Hermione smirked. "And I'm guessing you heard bits and parts and put them together to form something you wished?"

Harry shot Fred a warning look, before turning to Hermione. "What's going on?"

Hermione grinned. "I'm getting braces, so I had the test done on my teeth. The doctor said it was positive and I was getting braces," she said slowly, trying not to laugh.

Harry nodded slowly.

Ginny continued. "I said it was cool and asked her if she told anyone. Her surgery is next week. Her mom and dad wanted to know if she could come early, so she's staying overnight here, and leaving for a week, tomorrow."

Even Ron was starting to understand. "Oh! So you're not pregnant! Because to get pregnant you had to-"

George shoved him. "Shut up, she's trying to talk!"

Hermione smirked. "So my dad's performing the surgery and then Ginny asked if I told anyone. I told you Fred. Remember?"

Fred nodded as realization dawned on his face. "Oh yeah! And then I joked about it to cheer you up, because you looked nervous!"

Hermione grinned. "Exactly! You made it more enjoyable!" she emphasized.

Harry nodded as he cooled down.

"She's getting some sort of thing to decrease the amount of pain tomorrow, and then she's getting them next week!" Ginny finished.

The 4 boys grinned as realization filled their faces. "Oh!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yeah oh," she laughed. "Anyways, I have to pack so scram."

Harry and Ron shrugged and left for quidditch. Fred and George followed, but stopped at the end of the staircase.

"Not bad," Fred said with a wink to Hermione. She blushed as she high fived with Ginny.

"Good cover up you two!" George congratulated the girls.

Ginny shrugged. "You're acting wasn't so bad either, but next time, please keep those two away, when we're having our girl talk. I just found out so of course I was excited! And all this happened 8 ½ months ago and you didn't tell me!"

Hermione shrugged. "No one knew, except George of course. I'm leaving tonight and I'll see you guys at the hospital next week. Remember, the birth ward."

Everyone nodded.

Ginny turned to Hermione. "No need to worry about Harry and Ron, I'll ease them into it. And one question."

Hermione nodded.

"When they played that stupid game, you were already 7 months pregnant."

Hermione grinned and nodded. "Yep. Most of my anger was just acting, except at Ron and Lavender."

The Weasley twins then led Hermione and Ginny down to a couch began joking around with Hermione, trying to ease her tension.

Harry and Ron who had been eavesdropping from behind the couch exchanged wide eyed glances.

"I'll kill Fred," Harry muttered. "He got Hermione pregnant!"

Ron looked puzzled and forgot to be quiet. "But to get pregnant, you have to-"

Four pairs of eyes turned to Harry and Ron, and widened.

Hermione smiled weakly. "Uh… surprise?"

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**And there you go! Review and tell us what you think!**


	3. NOTE

**This isn't another chapter, but a quick note. For now, we'll post the story is complete, but we might extend it in about a month or 2. No promises though.**


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